SUNDAY 1ST JANUARY 2023
Embracing the first day of a new year with zero hangover from the night before. It’s not the first time I’ve done it, of course, but the previous years have featured baby making and baby feeding and, like I’ve said before, that doesn’t really count. I so wanted to go and watch the sunrise this morning from “dad’s hill” but it has been raining for days and was still raining when my alarm went off at 7 am so I had to reluctantly admit that it just wasn’t a good idea – not only would I be risking life and limb but there wasn’t going to be any sun to see. I am, however, full of hope for the year ahead. I always feel optimistic going into a new year – ever hopeful that it’s going to by “my year”….. but 2023 really is! I know I should probably say that I’m glad to see the back of 2022 and it will be forever remembered as the year that saw my solid family foundation start to crumble, but I’ve learned a lot too and you’ve always got to look for the positives.
MY WHY
So, this morning, I woke up to a new year – I didn’t come to, I woke up. I’d never really thought about the difference until I read A Piece of Cake by Cupcake Brown a good many years ago. Her story is most certainly proof that, no matter what has gone before, if a person makes a firm decision to change their life, they can do it. It makes for some sad and shocking reading but is ultimately inspirational. The main bit that has always stuck in my mind, though, is towards the end, when she has been clean of drugs and alcohol for a period of time but relapses one evening. The morning after the night before she says she came to and realised that, while she had been sober, she had been waking up and that it was a whole other feeling. She promises to herself there and then that she will never come to again. I totally got that. Falling asleep sober and waking up is so different to falling asleep drunk then coming to and I know which I prefer. I’ve read a lot in the sobersphere about the dreaded 3 am wake up and that’s another thing that I was so relieved to discovered wasn’t unique to me and was, in fact, so common that they had coined a phrase for it. I don’t think they are one and the same thing – I’d say that the coming to comes first and then is swiftly followed by the 3 am wake up. The pounding heart, the sweats and that horrible feeling of dread ….. “oh God, what did I do? What did I say? Did I make a complete arse of myself?” And you never get straight back to sleep – you lie there feeling stupid and regretful and preparing to be sheepish in the morning as you wait to see how people are going to react to you, whether you did or said anything worthy of mockery. I had experienced all of this more times that I could possibly count but finding out what actually causes a person to wake up like that after drinking was a shock and, dare I say it – a real wake up call. Apparently, in order to deal with the alcohol, the liver produces a chemical called acetaldehyde which is even more toxic than the alcohol itself and it’s the release of the acetaldehyde that causes you to wake up in a panic. OMG – double whammy, and another of those things that you just can’t unlearn.
Theme Tune: Three Little Birds by Bob Marley