SUNDAY 16TH OCTOBER 2022
I’ve done some good, consistent fasting this week and enjoyed my runs plus the mini weight workouts that I’ve introduced so all is going to plan with the exception of one thing….. I’ve eaten far too much sugar during my eating windows.
MY WHY
Sugar has always been a major issue with me and I could probably dedicate a whole other blog to that subject but, to stay on topic, the amount of mental energy I’ve used up this week obsessing about sugar has highlighted the relief that I feel not to be doing the same thing with alcohol. I’m not sure who it was who first coined the phrase “tired of thinking about drinking” but it so resonates with me. All that mental energy that I put into trying to moderate was utterly exhausting. I used to think it was just me until I started reading quit lit. It was a bitter-sweet joy to read about other people obsessively counting units, making rules, breaking them, then making new rules only to break them too. Someone wrote that they kept spreadsheets dedicated to their attempts to moderate their alcohol intake – I kept mine written down in a journal. Latterly, I figured that 14 units a week is equal to 2 units a day so that would equal 60 or 62 units a month so that’s what I’d try to stick to – sometimes successfully, sometimes not. Any months I went over, I’d figure that reducing the following month by that same number would balance it out – sometimes that would work, sometimes not. Aside from the unit counting there was the rule making: no alcohol on a school night (except Sundays, coz that’s still the weekend and I needed something on a Sunday to shake off the alcohol induced depression I’d been suffering from all day, just so I could end the day on an even keel). Of course, there are no school nights when you’re on holiday so that’s a free-for-all so units that month would be high. Other rules: not mixing drinks, no white wine (I was sure that was what made me depressed), only drinking in company. Rules made to be broken. God, it was exhausting! I’ve known for a long time that abstention for me is easier than moderation – it’s just getting over that hurdle of making the commitment and sticking to it for long enough to make going back to square one just not an option that’s the hard part. What a joy it is to be out of that loop, to not be thinking about drinking at all. I was even pleased this week to realise that I’ve lost count of how many weeks it is since I stopped. Having reached the 100 day milestone on the last day of September, it’s easy for me to put it into days – 115 under my belt as of last night! – but weeks? I couldn’t tell you, and that feels good.
Theme Tune: The Road to Nowhere by Talking Heads