SUNDAY 7TH MAY 2023
Well, the king has been crowned and, as Britain officially enters a new period in history, I like to think that I too am entering a new period in the history of my own life.
Something happened this week that made me furious – the kind of anger that stops you from getting to sleep and, when you do finally drop off, it’s there again as soon as you wake up. Initially I was annoyed that someone else’s actions had messed up the inner calm and positivity that I’d been working hard to achieve. I managed to remember that anger is a secondary emotion so I looked deeper to find that I was upset about an apparent disrespect for my feelings and also scared about what that signified and might mean for the future. I was still bloody raging though! In days gone by, a stiff G&T would definitely have been considered justified. Not an option. So, I put on my big girl pants and started to put into practice some of the stuff I’ve been learning about lately….. Instead of continuing to rage like a toddler, wondering why this had happened TO me, I asked why it had happened FOR me. Where was the lesson? There had to be one. Then I remembered that I am responsible for creating the outcomes in my life so I started to look for my own hand in the matter. And the answer came to me: I am far too complaisant. For years I have been people-pleasing, agreeing to or turning a blind eye to things that I am not happy about, just to avoid confrontation and any unpleasantness that might arise from me asserting myself. Well, this was one situation that I was not going to just put up with and I managed to make that very clear. I admit that my delivery wasn’t good but that’s what years of suppressing your feelings does – it makes you erupt and go overboard. That isn’t anyone else’s fault – it is entirely my own and it was quite liberating to take ownership of that. So, time for another paradigm shift – I need to start speaking up when I’m not happy about something, instead of putting my feelings aside in order to avoid confrontation. That isn’t going to be easy for me but I see it as further proof that the Universe has perfect timing……. Before now, I doubt I would have been up to the task – now I am. The situation brought to mind that scene from Love Actually where Hugh Grant says, “….from now on, I intend to be much stronger…. and the President should be prepared for that”, so I watched it and it made me laugh and lightened the mood. I also felt inspired to revisit the Leading Lady speech from The Holiday. I’ve no idea why I’ve been acting like the best friend but, if my life is indeed like a film of my own making, then it’s high time I started asserting myself as the leading lady.
Theme Tune: I Am What I Am by Gloria Gaynor