SUNDAY 10TH JULY 2022
My mood did indeed lift early in the week – I guess due in part to the slow down after a couple of really full-on weeks but hopefully also a sign that the last of the alcohol is out of my system. I’ve felt calm, relaxed and positive. I spent the weekend camping in a field with my brother at a vintage vehicle rally. When we decided a few weeks ago that we were going to do it as a tribute to our dad, I did briefly consider delaying the start of my alcohol-free year so that we could share some beers and red wine over the weekend. My brother, however, is one of those rare creatures who really can take it or leave it so I knew there would be no pressure from him and concluded that the weekend would be better spent without any level of hangover in the mix. I’m so glad I did because it turned out to be an absolute scorcher of a weekend and feeling rough in that heat would have been awful.
MY WHY
My dear dad died in April this year. We all know that it is inevitable that our parents will die on us one day and he was not in good health but still it came as a shock. He was a big man with a big personality and the gap he has left is huge – there are simply no words. When his own dad died back in 1974, dad was 39. The following year, he jacked in his job and set up his own business, which turned out to be very successful. Although I never asked him about how he felt when he made that decision, I have a sense of it now. In the days following his funeral, I felt a need for change and a desire to do something big. I don’t have the wherewithal to leave my job and set up my own business and, with a husband and 2 children, packing a rucksack and heading off on an adventure, isn’t really an option. If felt like I needed to make a big change in my life but there were no obvious options.
Having been “sober curious” for a couple of years, and knowing that having an extended alcohol-free period was an itch that I was going to have to scratch at some point, I did wonder if now would be a good time to do it. However, like a true drinker, I was put off by all the occasions on the horizon this year when I would traditionally want to indulge in alcohol. Eg. My 15th wedding anniversary is going to fall on a Saturday – how could I possibly not celebrate it with champagne?! At time of writing, my anniversary is still 4 months away – I dread to think how much drinking I’d be able to pack in between now and then because I accept that it is in my nature to over-indulge before I purge. And really, why would I stop immediately after that with the Christmas holidays then on the horizon? And so it goes on. I wrestled with the idea for a month before, the day after my birthday, almost out of the blue, I made the decision to do this now and once the decision was made, I knew there was no going back.
The night before my birthday, I had watched the very last episode of This Is Us. I loved that show – settling down to watch it always felt like the TV equivalent of snuggling in to a soft, cosy blanket. They circled back to the proverb that came up in the very first episode and at various points during the series: “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. So, in this year of losing my dad, when it feels like life has given me lemons, I am determined to turn them into lemonade by doing this big thing that will hopefully lead to me turning my life around.
Theme Song: Try Again Today by The Charlatans