SUNDAY 4TH SEPTEMBER 2022
I’m now 10 weeks in and, to be honest, I’m a bit disappointed that I’m not feeling better, both physically and mentally. I’ve heard of muscle memory and organ memory – I’m now wondering if there’s such a thing as mood memory. My mood is still very low at the start of the week and, whereas in recent years I was putting that down to the lingering depressive effects of alcohol consumed over the weekend, I’m at a loss as to why I still feel that way now. Is there such a thing as mood memory and/or is it the case that my brain chemistry still hasn’t levelled out?
MY WHY
A bit like why the threat of lung cancer never really stopped me from smoking, the threat of liver disease was never really enough to put me off drinking. What has been a stronger motivating factor in leading me down this sober path, is the realisation that alcohol has such a negative effect on brain chemistry. I only became aware of serotonin and dopamine when I read a book called Diet Rehab by Dr Mike Dow, which I got out of the library back in 2019 in yet another attempt to lose weight by any means possible. There were 2 separate, and quite lengthy, quizzes to establish if and to what extent the reader was lacking in serotonin and dopamine. I scored incredibly high (or low) on both accounts and the conclusion for anyone in my range was that they were so severely lacking in both that they should probably consider seeking psychiatric help. I kid you not – scary stuff! So, I set about trying to eat more “booster foods” and take in more “booster activities” and, as always, my resolve eventually fell by the wayside and that was that. It wasn’t until I read This Naked Mind and other such literature that serotonin and dopamine popped up for me again and the penny started to drop…… the regular consumption of alcohol was totally messing with my brain chemistry – no wonder I felt so shit all the time! I wish I had known this sooner. I would find it hard to articulate the science behind it all to another person but I understand it for myself and it makes so much sense. I can totally see now that alcohol was preventing my brain from taking care of me the way it is programmed to do. It was robbing me of the ability to reach a natural high and I’m not sure if my over-riding feeling about that is anger or sadness. So often, the pull of alcohol has gotten in the way of other activities that would have served me so much better. So, no more! And while I’m on the subject of my poor brain, I now know that, not only has alcohol messed with it chemically, it has actually bloody well shrunk it – what a horrific thought! I could weep at the thought of what I’ve put that miraculous organ through over the decades.
Theme Tune: Fix You by Coldplay